A transient rainbow ; I think it must be a bridge to you

As far as I'm concerned, I'm entering the country's National Service on the 3rd of January next year. Yeah, I've been selected. Some of you may be wondering why the hell am I going for it. I don't know either. Maybe because my mom wants me to go? All my family wants me to go. I want to go too. Like to experience things I've never experience in my entire life. But at the same time I have this feeling of dying everytime I think of it. Like now. It's 6.34am in the morning. I has insomnia tonight and I can't sleep. The main reason was because my head was full of what ifs and what will happen and whys about this.

I know exactly how much things I'll miss and the people, the food, the society. I don't know how much I'll gain but let's put that aside for now. I still am wondering how am I going to survive this 3 months. And apart from everything else. How the hell am I suppose to leave the people I dear about?!

Yeah yeah, I know it's just freaking 3 SHORT MONTHS.
How the hell is 3 months SHORT?!

Other than that, I've college to delay too. Mom says its okay and keep convincing me it's still too early for me to enroll college on January. Probably because it's her reason to convince me to join the National Service. All my friends are signing up for their college and all ready with what they ant to study. I know what I want to study but oh great, I'm 3 months late from entering college. Maybe it's not. Big thing but I feel like crap still. Aih -.-

Things about this National Service, like the stories people told me before are all coming down on me. Like bugs, or food, or toilets. I need some positive feedbacks, really. It's hard enough to leave already. For 3 months la. (no big deal right) but I'll still miss things. And it's hard for me. I'm not strong enough to do it yet. I don't want to be like this sulking inside my own misery and tearing every night thinking. Let's just say I can't separate myself from certain people and I'm going through hell just by thinking.

What the hell will happen?!

I've been put to the camp in Perak btw. Not very far from home. Just an hour and thirty minutes. :'(

I'm going crazy thinking about all the possibilities and consequences and problems. What if it really happens?! D: I won't be around to do anything at all. If it really happens or anything likely to happen, I swear I won't forgive myself.

I sound so pathetic talking about this . But I can't sleep. What to do? Being pathetic in the middle of the night. How can this get any better? ;)